…must come up. And it has.
March/April was awful. I was already getting anxiety over money/no full-time job and feeling pretty lonely most days, especially weekends. Then my mum died and everything came crashing down around me. I had reached a point where, if it wasn’t for my kids, I would have bolted off somewhere remote and hid. Everything seemed to be against me and not in the usual way but, literally, one thing after another went wrong, down to fines for the bloody DartCharge. I kept saying, ‘What next?’ and then something else would happen. I really felt like the forces were working against me — it felt that bad.
I thought long and hard about it and realised I needed to learn from it. I needed to see what it was teaching me. I felt like I had been stripped bare, especially emotionally, and I recalled part of the Buddha’s story about taking away what we treasure most to learn the biggest lessons. This resonated and I tried to accept that what was happening was mostly out of my control and I needed to use it to learn and become better.
With that acceptance and change of attitude came a change in life. The fines and charges were dropped, I got a job offer (which I’m accepting) and I started to feel I could look to the future with hope.
I feel like it’s time for a new stage in life. This will involve a lot of letting go and I know that’s going to be hard. But, I am making plans. Plans for my own health and well-being, plans for my career, plans to find a peace.