mexican stand-off

It’s been a scratchy few days. A difference in opinion about calendar commitments has resulted in some hostility between my husband and I and, once again, makes me feel guilty when, rationally, I don’t think I should.

He claims his ‘thing’ has been booked in for months. I was meticulous about copying down the calendar before I left and disagree. He is going anyway and says, ‘Yes, actually I think you should cancel your thing.’

He has called my bluff (as I uttered the, ‘Fine, so you want me to cancel my thing?’) but it pushed a button that made me so cross.

His thing: taking our son to another football match (they are season tickers holders and seem to go weekly)

My thing: a dinner and staying over with two old friends.

Saturday is his day to have the kids.

And that’s what makes the difference. That sentence. Suddenly it turns into a battle about who is the better parent. My throwing that at him makes me look like I don’t want my kids. Of course I do. But, thinking it’s a free day, and going out rather than sitting at home watching Bridget Jones seems a good option. Seeing old friends would be a support and a pleasure. Yet, it is me who feels like the ‘baddie’, not him. Because I arranged my life.

That’s the thing, I think. He has said I am ‘in control’ because I broke it up.

I’m not.

I’m not the puppeteer. I started the show, but it’s improvisation, not directed.

But, the assumption of being in control also means I see to be responsible for everything. If you take control of the wheel because the driver has fallen asleep, does that make you responsible?

Answers on a postcard…

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